Having a divorce conversation with your spouse is difficult. But for many parents, it’s even more difficult to bring it up with the kids. Their spouse may have understood what was coming, but the kids may feel blindsided.
One thing to keep in mind is that you do want to consider the children’s ages. You may give a lot more information to a 17-year-old high school junior than you would to your 10-year-old. Cater your approach to what the child needs at that age. Here are a few other tips to keep in mind.
Talk to the children together
For parents of multiple children, this conversation is something that should happen with all of the children present—and both parents. You at least want to break the news to them when they’re together so you ensure that they all find out from you.
Circle back for a more in-depth conversation
If necessary, though, it’s fine to go back and have one-on-one conversations with your children after the fact. It can be very helpful for them if they get to talk to you more directly, and children of different ages may have very different questions.
Let it be a dialogue
Throughout this whole process, although you may start by simply informing the children of what’s happening, it’s best to make them feel heard and appreciated. Give them a chance to talk. Give them a chance to ask questions. Allow them to engage in the dialogue and express their emotions, concerns and much more.
Talking about divorce is just the first step, though. You also need to figure out how you’re going to divide legal and physical custody of your children. Be sure you know what steps to take as you go through this process.